Laboro, Amo, et Confundo

Laborolaborare, laboravi, laboratum: Latin 1st Conjugation Present Active Indicative 1st Person Singular = “I work”
Amo, amare, amavi, amatum: “I love”
Confundo, confundare, confundavi, confundatum: “I blend, mix, confuse/confound”

This post will probably not make a lick of sense to many of you, but to the few who understand…. I will also warn you that there is no conclusion, though perhaps you can comment and make one.

I had a revelation recently. A very mundane revelation. I realized the other day that I am still in school and pursuing medical training so that I can work with the people I love to work with and do something that I love to do – and get paid for it. And that has seemed the most noble and perfectly correct path for me to walk on. Not being independently wealthy, or familialy wealthy, or any other kind of wealthy, I can’t afford to do humanitarian aid and voluntary work every day for the rest of my life. So without intentionally cognating, I pursued medical (which I enjoy) so that I could support myself (which I need) so that I could pursue needy people (whom I love). Make sense?

Revelation (not of St. John, but of Nicole’s slightly slow cranium):
With all my assortment of past jobs (waitress, secretary, baker, hardware-girl, construction, teacher, and *coming soon*: spotted owl researcher [more on that later]) it never occurred to me that I may have to choose a career that I didn’t love, that didn’t inspire and touch me – a career that wasn’t my discerned calling. And in a moment I realized that most adults probably don’t have the luxury of combining those two. “Do what you love, love what you do” is that realistic? “If you can’t do what you love, love what you do” are much harder words for an idealistic optimist like myself, but perhaps more accurate. After two years of teaching (something I never had the desire to do), I have found that in God’s good providence and sovereignty I was stretched and grown through working at something that didn’t thrill me. He has allowed inspiration along the way, but the hard kind, the kind you have to look for. He has bestowed joy and contentment (not saying I always accepted those….). And as I near the end of my foreseen teaching career, He is granting fulfillment and peace that this was His plan for me, not a deviation from my path, but a continuation on that path which He laid for me before I was born, that path which will be just a tad more illumined because I first had to work and then find how to love that work.

I warned you there wasn’t a conclusion. Just thoughts on a life that never stops being enlightened.


3 thoughts on “Laboro, Amo, et Confundo

  1. What a wonderful picture. It is the perfect conclusion to your unconcluded thoughts.Where will the wind blow you next, I wonder? Wherever it is, I hope you enjoy the flight.

  2. Nicole, Although you came into our lives by being a dear friend of Padre’s that he could say, “hey can my friend stay at your house while in Redding?” We both know full well, it was the Lord’s doing. You inspired Pat & I to look further into our “call/tug/pull” we feel toward some sort of mission work… and it was through your enthusiasm that we took yet, another step… and as you & I both know, there are MANY STEPS on the path (sometimes it’s that God has the wind KNOCK us to the next step, A LOVING KNOCK!). So as you’re discovering your path to do what you love, remember you’re in our prayers for this intention & you were & are also an inspiration for our path of discovery to where God is leading us to serve.<>You are awesome my dear friend!<>

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